


if the Heavens ever did speak

by lovingwriter



Series: Take me to church [1]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Bipolar Disorder, Child Abandonment, Christianity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Makeup, Mental Health Issues, Religion, give Lucas Lallemant a hug, papa lallemant is an asshole, protect him at all costs, talk about church, talking things through
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 02:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19189975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingwriter/pseuds/lovingwriter
Summary: "But at the same time I thought maybe I would want to teach my kids what it says on the Bible. That, that if you'll be nice you'll be treated nicely. Or that you can always trust that there's someone who listens. I don't know, it's, it's a mess, I know", he says next and Eliott reaches to pull Lucas against his chest."And then what you said just a few moments ago, about me and dad...", Lucas doesn't finish the sentence, instead he shivers. Eliott squeezes Lucas tightly.or Lucas and Eliott early in the morning arguing and making up.





	if the Heavens ever did speak

**Author's Note:**

> okaaaay peeps my first elu fic i love them with all my heart pls be nice :) this is heavy y'all so READ THE TAGS and if you feel uncomfortable don't read. Stay safe <3

**SATURDAY 06:24, 2025**

When Eliott wakes up, he wakes up alone. It's not so unusual, so he doesn't panic. Lucas is often up at this hour. Except it's Saturday, and Lucas' side of the bed feels really cold, which means he has been up at least an hour.

Eliott has just recovered from a manic episode. It was the worst in years, and he can still feel quilt in the back of his head pounding, quietly but surely, because he can't explain what triggered it. They have been financially and emotionally stable with Lucas for years now, and their relationship was fine. Lucas' mum had been stable, and his dad hadn't been in touch with Lucas for three years. 

But still, for a week Eliott had been  _high high high_ and talking about marriage and kids, talking about how great it would be if Trump and Putin married each other, talking about dying. And then he had crashed, and he had been in bed for two weeks. It's now been two weeks since he came out of it, but something was wrong with Lucas. If he and Eliott hadn't been together for six years, Eliott would've thought everything was fine. But the way Lucas talked to him had some edge on it that Eliott couldn't place. Like he was  _disgusted._ That thought alone pulled Eliott out of the bed.

He quietly walked to their living room. Their apartment wasn't big, one bedroom, living room and a kitchen, but it was theirs. They had moved in when they had been together for only six months, but so far it had worked for them. Lucas had insisted to get an apartment with a balcony. And talking about that, that's where Eliott found him. 

Lucas was sitting in a chair, shoulders hunched and shivering. It was June, but the air was cool and humid, and Lucas wasn't wearing any shirt. Eliott slowly walked to him.

"Hey. Are you cold?" he asked quietly. Lucas flinched at the sudden whisper and then shook his head. Eliott sighed, and went back inside to get him a blanket. When he reached Lucas again he wrapped the blanket securely around his boyfriend's shoulders. Lucas smile was quick but it was there.

"Why are you up so early?" Eliott asked as Lucas remained silent. 

"Couldn't sleep." Lucas' response was hoarse and small, not having talked for a long time. His right hand was squeezing his phone tightly. 

"Okay. Why didn't you wake me up?" Eliott asked. Lucas' huffed.

"I'm not gonna wake you up every time I can't sleep, Eliott. You need your sleep."

Eliott was surprised to hear an edge of Lucas' voice. This time it wasn't disgust, just pure anger.

He didn't know how to answer. He knew Lucas had quite a temper and could go from zero to hundred in a span of seconds. The air was thick between them. 

"Just go back to sleep. It's still early", Lucas then said, anger gone. 

"I'm not gonna go to sleep when something's bothering you", Eliott then said. Maybe it was a mistake, to bring up this topic now, but he needed some answers.

Lucas' head snapped up and for the first time he looked straight to Eliott's eyes, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Nothing's wrong", he answered, the edge back again. Eliott sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. 

"Obviously something's wrong. You have been on edge for weeks now. Just tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours."

Suddenly Lucas stood up and stormed out. Eliott stared at his boyfriend as he walked towards their bedroom. 

"Lucas!" he yelled and went after him. 

"Could you just please leave me alone?" Lucas yelled, and turned around. Eliott was confused and angry.

"Oh, let me think, no! Just tell me what's wrong! You have been weird ever since my episode. What is it?"

"Nothing! I'm fine!" Lucas yelled back. They were being pretty loud, but Eliott couldn't bring himself to care. He was hurt.

"Stop saying that! You're nothing but fine. You talk and look at me like you're disgusted. Is it something I said when I was manic?"

When Lucas didn't answer, Eliott chuckled coldly. They had had this talk million times. 

"You need to understand that I'm manic! I can't control what I say! Or what, you can't handle talking about marriage and kids? Are you so damaged that you can't stand the idea of raising children? Daddy didn't give you kisses enough when you were a kid? Just grow the fuck up Lucas!" 

He's furious. Something's snapped inside of him. He feels like punching something, so he does the only thing he knows will calm him down. 

He leaves. 

He grabs his trousers, puts on a shirt and starts to put shoes on, when suddenly Lucas speaks up.

"Don't leave."

Eliott shakes his head. "I need to. I can't be here right now." 

There's a hand on his wrist and-

There's a pause. Lucas looks wild, his eyes wide and full of fear.

"I can- I can talk. I can tell you everything, I promise to be better, I will grow up I promise- just- just don't leave me, please."

Eliott stares at his boyfriend. He looks okay about everything Eliott said. Only thing that scares him is the fact that Eliott is about to leave.

Okay, that went wrong.  _Really_ wrong. He can't believe he just said all _that_  to Lucas.

Lucas stares at him, eyes watering. His voice is calm, which scares the fuck out of Eliott. Fuck, he's an idiot. 

"Lucas..." Eliott whispers and wraps his arms around Lucas. He can feel tears running on his own cheeks. 

"I'm sorry I can't be better. I'm really sorry, Eliott. I'm so sorry", he can hear Lucas say and  _fuck._ He messed up so bad. 

"No Lucas, no you- I- _putain_ ", he says back but the tears betray him and he can't speak. 

And after all this, Lucas is the one who starts to wipe Eliott's cheeks. He even smiles. 

"Don't cry. It's okay", he says and Eliott can't believe. He can't believe Lucas is so calm after all that.

"No, Lucas, I- putain, no!" he says and grabs his wrists. Lucas looks at him, eyes watering again.  _Fuck_ , why can't he just stop messing things up?

"You listen closely. Everything I just said was bullshit. I'm really fucking sorry I said all that. It was not okay. You are good. You are so good, I can't believe it. I can't believe you don't see it yourself. You're good, Lucas", he says firmly, holding Lucas' face between his hands. Lucas stares at him and the dam breaks. 

All Eliott can do is to hold this man breaking down on him. Sobs wreck through his body violently, and all Eliott can think is how badly he hurt Lucas. Lucas! The only thing that's ever really mattered to him! The love of his life! All Lucas did was to be there for Eliott, no matter what he'd said or done. He never left him alone and always welcomed him in his arms no matter what.

"Oh Lucas, you're amazing. I'm so sorry", he whispers to Lucas' hair. Lucas rests his head against his neck, probably snotting all over his shirt but it doesn't matter. Nothing else matters but holding his boyfriend and making him feel safe in his arms.

It could have been minutes or hours before Lucas raises his head. He doesn't look Eliott in the eyes, but Eliott raises his head by his chin. 

They don't speak for a while. They move slowly to the couch, Lucas sitting down and Eliott going to kitchen to make some coffee. When the coffee is ready he slowly fills Lucas' favourite cup and fills his too. He puts milk on Lucas' and goes back to living room. Lucas is going through his phone.

Eliott gives Lucas the mug, and Lucas smiles softly as a thank you. 

"I think we need to talk", Eliott says. Lucas nods but keeps scrolling down on his phone.

Eliott tries to get Lucas' attention but doesn't succeed. 

"Could you not stare at your phone so we can talk?" Eliott says. It doesn't sound nasty, it's mostly just a soft whisper, but Lucas flinches and locks the phone. 

"I-uh. I don't know where to begin", Lucas whispers. He puts down the mug and starts to fiddle with his fingers. Eliott grabs his hands and kisses his knuckles. 

"It's okay. Take your time", Eliott says and Lucas nods.

"So umm- I mean, when you were manic you- you said something. And it's okay! I understand that you can't always control what you say, but um, basically you told me you wouldn't want to raise kids with- with me. Because of my christianity. And I totally understand you! I do, but then at the same night my dad texted and told me that my mom had been hospitalised and that she was out of control, and your words came back to me. Like, how would you want to raise kids with me? What if I end up like my mom, and our kids would go through the same thing as I did?" 

Lucas' voice is small and Eliott feels tears stinging in his eyes again. He doesn't say anything, just keeps listening.

"But at the same time I thought maybe I would want to teach my kids what it says on the Bible. That, that if you'll be nice you'll be treated nicely. Or that you can always trust that there's someone who listens. I don't know, it's, it's a mess, I know", he says next and Eliott reaches to pull Lucas against his chest.

"And then what you said just a few moments ago, about me and dad...", Lucas doesn't finish the sentence, instead he shivers. Eliott squeezes Lucas tightly. 

"He wasn't a good dad. He left me. He never kissed me or told me that he was proud of me. He left me alone with my mentally ill mom, who was hallucinating about God and angels. My mom would kick me or hit me, but I couldn't leave her alone. She was all I had", Lucas says. His voice is starting to quiver. Eliott decides it's his time to talk.

"Lucas, first of all, I love you. Okay? I love you so very much. You're everything to me", he starts and takes Lucas' face between his hands again. Lucas smiles softly and turns to kiss Eliott's hand which is covering his cheek.

"Second of all, I'm really sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I am. I didn't know that's what I said when I was manic. All I remember is that we, or I, talked about marriage and kids. I had no idea I said... _that._ But know that I'd love to raise kids with you. Putain, our kids would be the best kids in the world with you as their dad. You're an amazing person. You're loyal and loving, and you never say a word against me. I love you", Eliott finishes and by the end of his speech Lucas has tears in is eyes again.

"I really love you too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I thought that you had suffered enough, I mean two weeks Eliott, putain... I can't imagine what you go through every time", Lucas answers. He takes a deep breath and leans against Eliott's chest.

"It's okay. It's okay. And I'm really sorry what I said earlier. I don't know why I said it. I guess I was just angry because I felt like you didn't trust me enough to tell me what's going on. I'm sorry", Eliott answers and kisses the top of Lucas' head. Lucas sighs happily.

"Okay. I understand that", he says and then it's silent a while. The silence isn't uncomfortable like it was earlier. Now it's content and comfortable. Eliott places small kisses to his boyfriend's head and inhales deeply his scent. He's really,  _really_ lucky. 

Lucas' phone beeps. Lucas flinches and reaches to grab his phone. While still leaning against Eliott's chest, he reads the text. Eliott also sees it.

_**Papa**   **07:14**_

_Now Lucas, do you understand what your mother is going through? She's suffering and you're not here. I can't believe you're such a child. You could never raise kids, you would be just like her. How the hell do you think you could take care of kids when you can't even take care of your mother? I've really had enough now. I hope you and that boyfriend of yours decide to never have kids. I want nothing to do with them._

Before Lucas can say anything or even move, Eliott takes the phone and deletes the message. He puts the phone away and grabs Lucas.

"We will have kids, you know? Maybe we'll have two girls, huh? I'd like them to have your eyes. You have such a beautiful eyes. And I'd want them to be just as kind and loving as you are. They'd be the most beautiful girls ever", he whispers. He can feel Lucas smiling. 

"And you can teach them all about the Bible if you want. You can teach them that there's always someone who listens to them. Or that they can believe in God.  _You_ can believe in God. It's all okay to me", he continues. Lucas raises his head, and grabs Eliott's face.

"I love you Eliott Demaury", he answers and presses his lips against Eliott's. Eliott smiles and kisses Lucas back. 

Maybe the Heavens did speak. How could Eliott know?


End file.
